Part 4: Are you okay? An essential question for every workplace
‘Are you okay?’ is simple question that can accomplish a lot of important work for personal and professional check-ins with people around us. It’s a clear and gentle prompt when we sense that colleagues may be going through a difficult time.
Are you okay? An essential question for every workplace
‘Are you okay?’ is simple question that can accomplish a lot of important work for personal and professional check-ins with people around us. It’s a clear and gentle prompt when we sense that colleagues may be going through a difficult time.
Asking ‘Are you okay?’ the right way means having the emotional presence to observe others and have the time to check in with them. That isn’t simple or easy when workloads and to-do lists are too full, or during prolonged periods of stress and uncertainty. It’s even more challenging when leading and managing staff or working with colleagues happens offsite via online meetings, email, or other virtual communications.
Conversations about whether others are okay need trust and care, which it takes time establish. This article focuses on practical ways we can support conversations when it’s time to ask, ‘Are you okay?.’ This applies to teachers and leaders – checking-in on each other as colleagues is an important part of our professional duty of care.
How to show we can be trusted to care
There are several ways to show that you care and can be trusted:
Get to know a bit about your colleagues. It makes an enormous difference if you know someone a bit more than only in terms of their work role. To start with, make sure you know each person’s name and how to pronounce it. Learn something about their life outside work, maybe involving their family, or a hobby, a sport, or what they like to read, watch, or listen to. This is not prying: everybody has a life outside work.
Let your colleagues know a bit about you. Just as it is important to get to know a bit more about your colleagues,, it is important to share a little bit about yourself. That doesn’t need to be deeply personal, just something similar to what you invite others to share about themselves.
Notice when something is unusual. When you have got to a person a little, it’s easier to notice when they are not quite themselves, perhaps quieter than usual, or just different. These can be signs it’s time to check in.
Ask gently and ask again if needed. You need to go gently when you first ask, ‘Are you okay?’ There’s a way to ask that leaves space for more than a quick, positive response, which often will be: ‘I’m fine thanks. All good.’ You can follow up with an offer, for example: ‘If you do want to chat later, don’t hesitate to come and find me. I am here all day / for the next hour / in tomorrow.’
Make sure to listen. If someone tells you that all is not okay, your best response is simply to listen and stay comfortable with listening. It is not to offer advice, to make a judgement, or tell a story of your own. You are a colleague, not a counsellor or friend. Demonstrate that you heard what they told you, and show empathy, for example: ‘I am sorry to hear that. That sounds hard’ or ‘I am sorry to hear that is happening. That must be difficult.’
You might need to think of a time and place to have the conversation. You could say, for example: ‘Would you like to meet up a bit later? It’s busy around here now. We could talk somewhere quieter.’ Or you might follow up on an earlier exchange: ‘How’s it going? I’m here if you want to talk.’
Respect confidentiality and privacy. To show you can be trusted with sensitive matters and conversations means always respecting people’s privacy and confidentiality. If you want to talk about issues at work, confine yourself to your own experience. Discussing other people’s difficulties and concerns is gossip.
Be honest about whether you are okay yourself. We all have bad days and moods. Sad or even tragic things happen to us or our loved ones. While work is not always the place to share a lot, it is okay to say if you are not okay. You can be a role model to your colleagues here!
Working offsite – further tips for teachers and leaders
While it’s harder to check in when we are working remotely, there are ways to be present and available to your colleagues. For example, perhaps during a regular meeting or via a weekly email you could:
Share a bit about your work schedule and when you are onsite, at home, or have time or availability.
If the workplace has challenges, show that you understand how tough things are, and encourage staff to be in touch with you.
Share your preferences for communication and checking in: phone calls? email? Include the times that suit you and when you will not be able to answer or reply.
Share the details of the Employee Assistance Program for staff and any other support available at your workplace.
School and team leaders often worry that if they invite people to contact them they will be overwhelmed by requests and demands. That tends not to happen. What does happen is that when people feel valued they are typically more thoughtful about prioritising the support they ask for, and what they want to share. Also, your availability gives you a change to learn new things or get a different and valuable perspective on the workplace, especially from staff who work remotely.
For more information and advice, you might like to look at resources available from the R U OK? campaign, which includes posters, tips, and how-to guides.
References and resources:
R U OK? https://www.ruok.org.au/
Be a Colleague That Others Can Confide in by Deborah Grayson Riegel. Harvard Business Review, 2020.
